Beautiful? Bah Humbug.

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran

What is beauty? When is another individual someone you consider beautiful? In today's society in which beauty is often equated to tight abs and a pert buttock, we immediately relate the word beauty to external physical qualities. Perhaps it is an immediate response that is generated by virtue of our intrinsic need to categorize, and compulsive urge to judge based on what we see. "Ah, she has blond hair, fits beautifully into her tight jeans, and I can see the luscious curves on her body clutching delicately to her blouse which erotically hugs her breasts" [of course this is what all men think] Or, " ooooh look at how broad his back is and strong his arms are, with his stunning million dollar smile, and ay! I can see the outline of his toned body beneath his seemingly effortless outfit, and ah yes, he must be very well endowed..." [of course, all women think along these lines]. I know, I know, I am being facetious, and sarcastic, and I dare say I am not very good at it. My point is, these stereotypes of "beauty" flabbergast me at times, and I find myself adhering to what magazines, television, movies etc dictate as worthy of falling under the definition of beautiful more and more. It is true that when we see an attractive person, a sort of ingrained biological stimuli runs through our body, and we are whole heartily moved towards that person. Right? I am. I see an attractive man, woman, child, person of any age, shape or colour, and I find myself wishing that I could strike up a conversation with them. I say any age, shape or colour, and I realize that some of you will roll your eyes in disbelief. But, here is where the subjective view of beauty comes in. You see, beauty for me, does not lie solely in what a person looks like, but the feel I get from that person. Yes, I will dare to say it, beauty for me depends on the "vibe' that emanates from another being. Say what you will about certain energies flowing from people, but you cannot deny that for some inexplicable reasons you are drawn to certain people. Call it energy, aura, whatever, but there is something there, some chemical crazy thing happens and as though another persons soul lassos you in towards them, you are affected by that person. The complexities of our attractions to others grow apparent when we start to communicate with the person who grabbed our attention. It is then that the external is weighted against the internal (as it were). Lets be honest, despite feeling an attraction to some hansom fella', (or stunning gal), if he (or she) is an arrogant ass hopefully you won't pursue things too far. Obviously there are those times where you just think "oh to hell with it, this being is so beautiful, I just want to have some fun..." We all know, however, that that fun doesn't last forever, and a pretty face quickly loses it's shine if it isn't combined with a pretty personality. As I get older, I realize and appreciate how complex all our personalities are. Human beings are so damn complicated. Every one of us bears insecurities. Some of us are more skilled at hiding them, others don't find the need to and wear their hearts on their sleeves. We all have our story, we all have been shaped and moulded over time. That is just the way it is. Things happen to us over time, these things, events, moments, mould and shape our characters - quite inevitable really, as inevitable as growth, and time moving forward. Self involvement, and a certain level of selfishness is also quite inevitable in human beings. It isn't a bad thing. Hey, we all care about ourselves. You just cannot be fully selfless. I firmly believe that saying you are totally self less is quite tricky. Even the act of being self less makes you feel good, so aren't you then sort of catering to your own needs as well as those who benefit from your generosity of spirit, beacuse you are making yourself feel good, and therefore tending to your own needs - thus not being fully self less? Not that that is a bad thing at all! Go forth and be self less but don't assume that you are a martyr is all I am saying. I feel that this discussion could get a bit circular, almost like a dog trying to bite it's own tale. So let me move on...my diatribe is getting long today.

I suppose I have, rather clumsily, attempted to vent my frustrations today. Sort of throw these queries and confusions out into the void. Perhaps what has made me vent is a realization of how important it is to be true to one self. For me, beauty lies in just that. Knowing who you are, loving yourself, and surrounding yourself with people you love. Appreciating family and friends, enjoying the solidarity that exists between human beings, enjoying this planet really. I sound like I have been smoking cannabis, I assure you I haven't, and I don't mean to end this entry on a "Make love not war" sort of tone, but essentially that is what I feel today, and hope to feel always. Where is the beauty in cynicism, sarcasm, and manipulative tones? Where is the beauty in false statements, in lies, deceit, and fake characters? Beauty is that which lasts, our looks will wither, but the mark we have left on others is eternal. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sure, but by jimbo, we all know that beauty truly comes from somewhere in the depths of our souls, from our mosaic of mannerisms and unique traits. Beauty is an intangible phenomena. It doesn't come from literally our insides. I am not saying, "oh you are beautiful, I can imagine your beautiful pancreas..how lovely". No no, beauty is quite mysterious really. You can't really truly see it, you feel it. True beauty that is. It is strange that Kahlil says that beauty comes from our most important organ pumping blood around our body, keeping us alive - but lets not be so scientific - beauty does come from the heart. Or maybe I am wrong. Maybe beauty lies in our ability to find value, find mystery in what we see - Henry Miller said "The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself." Does that sound better? Who knows. Aren't they essentially saying the same thing? I am sure Miller and Kahlil would agree with one another. [Yet again I feel like the dog chasing my own tail, circular arguments flailing about.... ]

Lets leave it open... I suppose that is the point of beauty, you can't define it. I can't write what it is, I can feel it, I know you can feel it, so lets just feel...

Have a wonderful weekend dear ones who are kind enough to subject themselves to my often long winded monologues. I appreciate the encouragement and support I have received tremendously.

All my love,

Aynanita